Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Steps to Being Newly Married

As I walked out of the grocery store today it dawned on me that a year ago I was just newly married and grocery shopping was horrible!!! I started to think about what last June was like. It's rather interesting because this summer, just like last summer, I am not teaching summer school. To me this would imply that this summer is very much like last summer but it is in fact nothing like last summer.

Although I didn't know it at the time, last summer I was in survival mode. I was newly married and hadn't a clue what I was doing. Of course at the time I thought I had it all under control but looking back I realized how much I really was simply surviving. This leads me to my first step of being newly married...

The First Step to Being Newly Married - Survival

If you are within your first year of marriage I can almost guarantee you that you are in survival mode. I have seen some women in their first year of marriage freak out because they don't know what they're doing or what they're supposed to be doing and I have seen others, much like myself, take it calmly and rationally but deep down inside have no idea what they are doing.

Last year at this time I went to the grocery store several times a week and while there I was super frustrated with prices and what to buy. I brought coupons with me but rarely used them because they didn't fit what I was buying (this can also be a good thing but I'll touch on that later). In the end I began to despise the grocery store and all of the things that go with it.

Another way in which I was just barely surviving was getting our home together. Last summer I was constantly cleaning. My mindset was that everything, everywhere had to be clean and spotless. There was not to be a speck of dust anywhere, not a piece of clothing unwashed, or dish left in the sink. Everything was to be clean.

Lastly, one of my final moments of survival was dinner. I felt, and still struggle with, the fact that a healthy, home-cooked dinner should be done when Dirk walks in the door. Although I am getting better at changing this mindset I still struggle with it. Some may think that this is a good thing but in all reality it's not. There are days that Dirk ate a late lunch and he's not going to be hungry at 5:30. There are other days that I am beat and don't feel like making a complete gourmet meal. Last summer, it didn't matter what the excuse I worked my hardest to make sure that dinner was done when Dirk walked in. If it wasn't done I apologized to him like crazy while he repeatedly told me that it wasn't a big deal and he could wait quite awhile before he would be hungry. I kicked myself for not having it done and felt as though he was just saying this so that I would feel better. I realize now that he was telling truth.

When a women is newly married she often feels the pressure of needing to create a home where everything is perfect...this is not the reality and the woman who has been married for over a year can attest to this...stay tuned to hear what I think step two of being newly married is.

P.S. If you are married, whether newly married or a "veteran" post your thoughts or experiences about being a newly married wife. I would love to hear your input.


  1. Hey its Justine! what the hoot?!
    Dirk gave me your blog address so I've been checkin' it to see what recipes you post. Hopefully I can attempt some of them one day!
    Ha ha! I liked this post. Even though Im not a newly wed, I already have a hard time at the grocery store and spend like a million dollars each time I go! And I hate when I forget something and wind up having to substitute an ingredient for something else...which is not always a good thing...:)

  2. well i went through the same thing as you last year! every single day that i got home from work i made dinner and then cleaned for 2 hours! Crazy right! and on the weekend I would spend the better part of my Sunday cleaning! but after 1 year and 3.5 months of marriage i have come to realize the importance of visiting with Paul rather than having a project every single night! I do the majority of my cleaning on Sunday's after church since he works all day, that way i dont infringe on our very important quality time. It took a while for me to realize that i could relax and that i was disappointing him!

  3. Coming up on 2 years of marriage so I guess that makes us "veterans"? I hope not! I still haven't gotten it all figured out! And just when you do, then a baby comes along and all rules go straight out the window. It's insanity, but I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else. :)

  4. Alicia, Hey, it's Dirk's classmate Allison. Just found the link to your blog after a long while! I'm catching up on all of your posts.

    Marriage is a sanctifying process no matter what step you're on. I think realizing that you can't do everything perfectly at once is so valuable. Prioritizing what's most important and tackling them in order will be your best bet. Getting the priorities straight is the hardest part though :)

    I've been married 5 years and I still have to do priority checks.