Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Death of Hope


While often being labeled an "unemotional person" I am a deep thinker. I don't react quickly and I usually think about a situation deeply for days, weeks, maybe even months and allow my emotions to show only when I am alone. In receiving some news this week hope died within me for a moment and immediately I went into deep thought. You see I had been praying for something, somebody. The news that I received shattered the hopes of the prayer ever coming to fruition. I thought to myself, "My prayers are pointless. This is a hopeless situation." The death of hope.

What is hope? According to Webster's dictionary it is "to cherish a desire with anticipation." While I had a desire that I was cherishing the anticipation was gone. For awhile I seriously believed that my prayers in this situation were pointless, that this matter had now reached the point of no return. After Dirk and I had talked awhile he asked me to pray. I had to pause. What was I to pray for? Do I pray for this person in the same way I've prayed for years? Do I pray for my loss of hope? What do I pray? Romans 8:24-28 says, "...But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I took a deep breath and prayed. Knowing that the Lord knows my confused state. The confidence in knowing that the "Spirit himself intercedes for me with the groans that words cannot express" is so comforting to me. I don't know what to pray or how to pray for this but I know that I cannot lose hope. Psalm 31:24 says, "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." My prayer for this person's salvation and circumstances is not based on my hope in this person but rather my hope in the Lord. Although hope died for only a few minutes within me, I realize how desperate that feeling is. The death of hope is a desolate place. The good news is that our hope is in the never-changing, always consistent, loving arms of our Lord, not the unpredictable things of the world.

This morning as Dirk and I were making breakfast the song by The Fray "How to Save a Life" came on. When this song first came out I loved it, then it became over played and I hated it but this morning it really struck me. I don't usually do this sort of thing because it tends to be somewhat cheesy but because this song is overplayed and has, perhaps, lost meaning I am posting the lyrics today because they rang so true to me this morning.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

1 comment:

  1. I would say your deep thinking serves you well! Thanks for sharing, it was very encouraging.

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