Thursday, May 7, 2009

Difficult Decisions

God's direction is not always easy. I sit here in my classroom while my kids are out to recess. I am applying for a job that I feel the Lord has heavily laid upon my heart and that I do have a strong desire to do, however my heart is heavy. After reading the letters of recommendation from people whom I have worked very closely with, my heart is even heavier.

I have grown up at this school. I was 20 years old when I started working here and now almost 5 1/2 years later I'm more than likely leaving the school. I have been so blessed to have a principal who has taken a real interest in my maturation in the teaching field. I also have colleagues who have been more than mentors but have become some of my closest friends. I look into the faces of my kids, some who are struggling in life and others who fill the room with joy and I think, "How can I leave this?" I love this...this is my life. Even now it brings tears into my eyes.

On the flip side, I come home to my amazing husband who has been so supportive of all that I have done and who doesn't complain when the used coffee cups are left out half full and the bathroom hasn't been deep cleaned for a month. I hold my friend's precious baby and I think I want to be working from home, taking care of my home and starting a family. The pull to stay home is always stronger than the pull to work but sometimes work is pulling almost equally as hard at my heart. I would not say that I am torn because I am 99% positive that the Lord is calling me to stay home. As the school year begins to wind down and I realize that I need to pack up my life here and move on I am sad. I'm not sure how to leave this place but I know that the Lord will give me the strength to do what He is calling me to do.

3 comments:

  1. I'll be praying for the Lord's direction in your life and that he grants you peace.

    ReplyDelete
  2. How awsome it is that even when you KNOW that it's time to move on, you have had such a wonderful experience there. Not everyone can say that about their work situation.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Honestly Alyssa, seeing your dedication to being "behind the scenes" with Jr. High and staying home with Adah has really spoke volumes to me. You've been a real encouragement.

    Nat: Thanks for your prayers :)

    ReplyDelete