I groggily walked down the stairs, fussy baby in arms and 3 year old bouncing down the stairs, talking non-stop. It had been a long night with the baby, who now decided that she was done sleeping at 6:15 and her older sister followed suit. I was exhausted and worn out. I put the baby in the swing and dragged myself over to the Keurig to make a cup of coffee and throw some bread in the toaster to feed Makenzie and I, all the while Eisley was starting to scream like she hadn't eaten in her whole life, despite the fact that she had been eating ALL.NIGHT.LONG.
Kenzie looked up at me with her adorable blue eyes and said, "Mom is this a bad day since you're really tired and Eisley keeps crying?" Conviction hit me like a ton of bricks. I smiled and said, "No, today is the day the Lord has made and we need to be glad in it." Preaching to myself, more than teaching her a lesson. I quickly turned my thoughts and attitude from, "I am exhausted and would like to sleep for a stretch longer than an hour and have just one moment to myself for once..." to "Lord, thank you for a new day. Thank you for my sweet girls who are healthy, thank you for my coffee pot which provides what I now refer to as liquid sleep, thank you for our home" and on and on.
I love how the Lord uses our children to speak volumes to us. I've yet to master this, and I'm sure I never will, but when those times come when I want to slip into a state of self-pity and fustration, I start thanking the Lord for all He has given me, and all He has done for me. Immediately I realize that all of this is just for a moment and I need to cherish even the times Eisley is screaming because soon I will miss that newborn cry and smell and everything about her tiny self. She's already growing so fast and in this trying and joyful time, I can rejoice in the Lord and do my best to cherish EVERY moment, even the seemingly less than enjoyable times.
That baby has my heart and despite the sleep deprivation, I look at her and can't believe how much I love her and how she's grown so much already in the short 4 weeks we've had with her. I don't even remember what life was like before her, it's like she's been here all along.
And looking at Makenzie, who no longer needs her booster seat and who brushes her own teeth and gets her own snacks from the refrigerator and who is slowly needing me for so much less, this time is flying by and I just want to be right here right now, even if everything else around me is falling apart.
I'm learning to rejoice when I feel like complaining, laugh when I feel like crying and be okay with whatever chores get done around the house, which these days isn't much. I'm now making a conscious effort to choose to enjoy this season, no matter how chaotic it may be.