Friday, September 13, 2013

A Sideline Mom

Before Eisley came, Makenzie and I did everything together. We were together all day and we were buds. I knew things would change when the baby came but I wasn't prepared for how affected I would be by it. I feel like Eisley is attached to me be pretty much 24/7 and while Makenzie has been such a trooper, she and Dirk have had a lot more bonding time than I've had with her. They are best buds now, which is so cute to see and makes me so happy, but it also bums me out a bit as I sit back feeding the baby for the umpteenth time that day.

One night Makenzie was just being crazy, Dirk was working early morning til late night and Eisley was super fussy. I was losing my patience with Makenzie and after I put her to bed I couldn't help but breakdown. I miss the one-on-one time I get with her. Lately I'm just her caretaker and disciplinarian. Dirk is the one who gets to play and do fun things with her. Even when we're at the beach, I'm sitting back feeding the baby, watching Makenzie and Dirk run around.

After breaking down, I decided I needed to do something about it. While I'm used to doing big art projects or taking trips to Jamba Juice and the splash pad, I decided that I can at least do small things with her, to make time with just she and I.

We made a grocery shopping trip a fun little date with a Pumpkin Spice Latte (our favorite) and I let her walk around the store with me. I loved answering all of her questions and hearing her silly stories.

While we can't have full baking days like we used to, we have made brownies, pumpkin muffins and pizza, all things that are super easy and quick to make if Eisley starts to have a melt down.

Even little things like buying sparkly stickers for her nails and painting them bring a smile to her face.

While I know that this time won't last forever and soon I will be able to do more with her again, I hope that she will have fond memories of me doing fun things with her and not just see me as "mom on the sidelines."